I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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