Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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