We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
