Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
