She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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