I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
