Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
