i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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