Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
