I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
