My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
