so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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