I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
