my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
