brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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