Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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