I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
