fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
