did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
