My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
