Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
