omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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