I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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