You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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