a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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