She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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