if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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