Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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