I'm eating all of the evidence.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize