I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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