Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
