That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
