PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
