There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
as a side note pls kill me
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