your parents love me but you hate me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm passing your future prison.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
