oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
