can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
