I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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