a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
