Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize