Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
