He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
