i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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