I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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