thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
