I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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