ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
