if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
