What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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