I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
