capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
