dude i'm inner monologue high
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
