Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
