Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I smell stomach acid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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