Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
