There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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