He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
