Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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