all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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