based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
