I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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