i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize