Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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