Operation Purity has been aborted
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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