Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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