I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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