During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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