Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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