i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
