I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
