I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
