i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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