help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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