So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
