so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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