You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
